Beauty For Ashes

We sent the kids to be with Grandma and Grandpa and went on a road trip to celebrate our anniversary this weekend. 

We decided to go explore with no particular destination in mind ahead of time.  The general direction we headed was Yamhill’s winecountry and then over to the coast somewhere.  Our purpose was actually two fold.  One was to just be together and the other was to revisit some of our old stomping grounds where we met and spent time in college and as newly weds. 

Boy have things changed.  Yamhill county has gone from a beautifully forested/farm country to winecountry.  The winaries were everywhere and came in all sizes.  We stopped at Lenne winary and visited with the owner.  He totally educated us on everything from the soil, grapes to the dynamics of different wines.  It was interesting and quite fun to experience.

Saturday we drove to Tillamook and enjoyed lunch at the Blue Heron French Cheese making facility.  We really enjoyed ourselves as we savored our turkey sandwiches and cheese platter.  The facility is really cute and if you ever get the chance to stop, it is a fun liitle place

Salishan Lodge was our final stop on Saturday.  What a beautiful place.  Our room was lovely with a view of the golf course.  The grounds were beautiful and our dinner was sooooo good.  Actually, neither one of us was hungry when we arrived so we scheduled dinner at 8:30 and decided to go for a nice long walk down to the beach.  Abbie ran around and chased a stick and we sat with our feet buried in the sand, watching the sun sink and the huge waves crash onto the beach. 

The following morning, yesterday I think, we woke up and decided to take the nature trail hike to wake us up.  It was so fun and quite a little jaunt.  What a great way to start a morning.

We picked up the kids in Newport after walking through a couple of lovely art galleries in Depoe Bay and Newport and wandered on home.

 Now here I sit thinking there is so much more to share about our little trip but I’m tired of typing.  It was a wonderful anniversary made up of three days that were packed with a weeks full of stuff.

Dear T,

 Happy Anniversay!  We have been married for 15 years. I just want to tell you that I am so grateful to God for blessing me with a man like you.  Your kindness to over the years has gone into the deep wells of my heart and I am forever yours. 

15 years is quite awhile for todays standards but to be honest, I feel like we were 21 and 22 years old yesterday and that this 15 years has gone so quickly.  It was a pretty rough start wasn’t it?  We said I do and realized we didn’t like each other much.  We were talking about that the other day werent’ we?  When we were reminicing you said that we both carried a truck load of baggage into this marriage of ours and it’s only been by the grace of God we like each other now.  Isn’t that the truth? 

I want to tell you though, that all of those times when this thing called marriage seemed impossible, you were always the one who was not willing to even consider being done with it and I am so grateful to you for that.  You have been the one in my life who has shown what love looks like.  You have loved me through fun, tears, fear, children, anger, happiness, depression.  You have turned me toward God and have encouraged me to seek him out even through hard times.

I never knew how great being married to you could be.  Remember that first year when you said it’s only going to get better and I rolled my eyes?  Well, T, you were so very right and I could never have imagined how much better it could get.

You are my very best friend, the one I look forward to seeing when I wake up in the morning and the one I love to talk to.  It is stunning to me that I can find you interesting even when you say the same thing over again.

I love you, I love you, I love you!

Tulip

I had a great quiet time this morning.  I am trying to learn to be still before the Lord and allow him to speak to me.

This morning, he spoke to me about my husband. You see, I have a very long memory and I don’t usually remember the good stuff.  For most of my life I have felt like one who is damaged and of no value.  Having said that, I struggle with believing those who would tell me and show me I am of value in their lives.

In my quiet time this morning, I was reading a passage in Isaiah in which God is talking about the value of Zion.  He talks about her beauty and her desirability.  As I pondered, I began to reflect on T and his actions toward me.  I was tempted to go back and look at the ugly stuff early in our marriage because he expressed some concerns about some sin in my life a couple of days ago and I didn’t like to hear it.  However, I was redirected to hear the following.  This is an excerpt out of my journal this morning.

I have used T to show you how valuable you are to me and you have rejected my love through him at nearly every turn.  You have tested us & tried us.  Don’t do it any longer.

To be honest, I never thought about the fact that when I reject T and his efforts to show me that I am valued, I am rejecting the God who created him and His efforts to show me that I am valuable to Him as well.  T is a godly man, who thirsts for fellowship with his maker as much or more than I do.  How can I flipantly brush off his efforts  to be the very best husband he can be just because I cannot forgive those things in my past which left me feeling unworthy of love.

I am beginning to see a glimpse of why God has pulled me out of so much activity in my life just to spend time in him.  I recognize — very humbly– that he has a plan to use my life as he sees fit and it is my responsiblity to sit with Him and look at those things which I feel are unmentionables  so that he can move me forward and use me more.

I share this with you only to show that I am on a journey and I hope that you may get a tid bit or two for yourself.

Thanks for reading.  Comments are always welcome.