Beauty For Ashes

“Choose Life”.  It is a phrase associated with the anti-abortion movement but it has been a phrase that I have heard much over the past little bit of time.  “Choose Life” as oppossed to choosing death.  Choose life as oppossed to choosing a lifestyle. 

Reflecting on this phrase brings the picture of a vast desert to my mind.  A place that can be brutal yet so beautiful.  A place where their are no confines, preconcieved notions about how to survive that cannot be defied.  A place where many just see sand, hot sun and death yet their is life.  In the evening their are firery sunsets, in the morning peaceful breezes.   Under the sand lies life giving water.

Enter into the desert with care.  Your life will depend upon it.  Live outside the confines of your corsetted life.  Recognize and appreciate the provision for living that God provides.  Learn to love and appreciate that which you once thought ugly, useless and draining.  Learn where to find shelter from the hot sun and live. 

Choose life.  Life, the very word exhudes a feeling of movement.  Not of running at full tilt but of a slow dance, a contious appreciation of the very now we are in. 

Choose life means taking off blinders to those things we don’t want to see and that are difficult to look at and breathing in the potential of every moment.  The hope that the shriveled old prune can with the mysterious touch of God be reborn into a ripe, juicy plum.  The hopes that the bad choices we make can, no will, with the life giving breath of God, be turned into valuable truths to effect the world and turn faces toward a God who loves us deeply.

Choose life means making each day an adventure.  An adventure to a far off land, an adventure in learning, an adventure in peace, an adventure in scrubbing toilets, an adventure in the smile of a child, an adventure in discovering a new facet of God’s love, an adventure in the moments, an adventure.

Choose life…

Thought I’d share this with you.  In my struggle to have a decent quiet time, I was surpised by this wonderful moment with my Lord yesterday morning.  I have been pondering it ever since and look forward to a moment to sit and pray some more.

Here is what I wrote in my journal.

I was walking through a rain forest in my mind.  It was raining and I could see the water dripping off the beautiful, healthy, reproductive ferns.  It was gentle rain, as the drops fell from the sky and made everything wet.  Nearby, I could hear and see the roar of the swollen McKenzie River.  It raged and thrashed about as it swept through the river bed.  Everything in its path not fastened down got soaked and/or washed away.  Then I looked back at the fern and saw a crude, clay vessel sitting under the tip of the leaf collecting water.  I took that water to a desert land and began to pour it on a cactus.  The cactus began to sprout leaves and blooms as it received sustainance.  The thing about the vessel is that it was just a vessel, broken and ugly, but the water gently dripping into it was the life giver. 

I began to think about the pitcher of water that Jesus used to clean the discipels feet and saw that it too was simply a vessel.  The water, gently poured over the disciples feet did the cleaning.  The vessel only holds the life altering, life giving water as it is poured out on a thirsty soul or as it cleanses a dirty heart.  Without the vessel it would be difficult to transport the water but, the vessel remains just that, an empty recipticle, incapable of giving life or cleaning up a life.  There is still the option of rain when a vessel is unavailable.

What also struck me was the idea that Jesus is like a gentle rain.  He isn’t like a swollen river that injures and tears appart.  He gently cleans and sustains me.

Okay, to clarify on my post yesterday, I meant that my goal was to run 10 miles not 103.  Oops.  Again, I don’t have a time limit on this just yet. 

Okay, on to the quiet time.  Again, I know that I am repeating myself a lot here but,  I just want to emphasize that the following is not exhaustive.  It is how I felt moved for the day and tomorrow it could be something entirely different out of the same passage.  God speaks to me through his word as he promises to and I am just sharing what I got out of it for those of you who are interested in walking throuh the life of Jesus with me. 

Get your Bible out and read Luke 7:18-35 ~ Jesus and John the Baptist

First of all, let me say that I had two lines of thought with passage because it appears to be broken into two seperate situations so please bear with me.

Section 1:

John the Baptist, the voice calling from the desert, the one to prepare the way for Jesus is in jail.  From his cell, he is getting discouraged and desires to see Jesus take names and kick you know what.  Most of the Jewish community thought that when the Messiah came, he would put down Rome and establish his kingdom with might and power taking vengence on their enemies. 

Isn’t it interesting that as people we place such high value on tactical prowess and a the ability to rock the world like an atomic bomb yet, God makes himself very clear that he values the sick, the humble, the patient(as in patience).  He values gentle action and word.  Above all else he values love. 

I have found myself, especailly with one long running situation in my life, longing for dramatic, earth shaking action to be taken by God.  I have hoped for and desired vindication without compassion.  My pain deserved a nuclear reaction going off in this persons life, I reason.  In opposition, Jesus is gently toiling in my heart and in the situation.

The picture I get in my mind is of a huge dam made of rocks.  My desire in destroying the dam would be for God to drop a bomb on it so I can watch it explode and feel some sense of victory in watching the rush of water and explosion of rock.  That would bring change, but what of the people down stream on on the shoreline around the dam?  What would happen to them if that happened.  They would be killed or injured.  Jesus’ way is to gently loosen one stone at a time.  Carefully removing it to let the water out slowly so those down stream aren’t killed.  Most of the time I can’t see his work.  He knows which stone to move and which one would cause a sudden failure in the dam.  Thats not to say that he never blows up a dam, I’m sure he has but it is far more likely that he moves one stone at a time.  That’s still earth shattering to the one whose stones are being moved.

Part Deux:

As John the Baptist sits, languishing in prison, he is hoping Jesus will come blow a hole in the jailhouse wall and break him out.  Togehter they could “Jackie Chan” the world but, John begins to loose hope and wonder if he was some how mistaken about who Jesus is.  He needed a reminder so he asked. 

How many times do I turn into a petulent child in my discouragement and decide not to ask Jesus to reveal himself.  I suppose I also assume that he cannot understand why I am feeling abandoned.  I forget that he has experienced everything I have experienced.  He felt abondoned by his Father.  He called out to his Father, “Why have you turned your back on me in my deepest need?”  I cried out while he hung on the cross.

He knows how I feel and I believe that if I could just keep that in mind and ask like John the Baptist, he’ll remind me.  He sent disciples to remind John.  John wasn’t released from his prison, in fact he went to his death but, he was reminded of what he already knew about Jesus.

Part 3:

I feel like the last part of this passage, Jesus takes the opportunity to tell the crowds that he is not a magician or circus clown sent here for their amusement.  He also tels them that htey are a bit spoiled and he is going to do what he is going to do for God’s purpose.

He ends this section of the Word by saying, “Wisdom is proved right by all her children.”

Okay, I know I said it was broken into two parts but in looking at my thought process, it was actually three for me.  May you be blessed today and rember to ask.

This blog has been an interesting thing in my life.  Specifically, because I have this diametrically oppossed approach to my life.  On one hand, I am a nut and a bit unconventional and shall I say it, blunt and crass while on the other hand, I have this faith that is growing daily.  I struggle because you don’t get to see me in the everyday moments so I get to choose what I write about.  I am intensly concerned about keeping it real. 

Again, I run into the conundrum of being able to choose what I write about.  If you have questions about me personally or challenges, please do comment.  I want to hear from you and allow people who are “lurking” to get to know me.  I am willing to fill in the gaps.  Please feel free to use the comment button.

Having said that, here is my quiet time study a couple of days ago.  I would like to restate that these observations are simply what has struck me for my life now.  So, get your Bible.

 Luke 7:11-16 ~ Jesus Raises A Widows Son

It strikes me that even though Jesus’ heart was moved with great compassion, and as a result, he brought a dead man back to life, the people still didn’t see him as more than a prophet, a man.  The people couldn not, would not, begin to see there was divinity in him. 

Isn’t it interesting that our minds are so closed and in order to function, we must compartmentalize everything and everyone into the boxes of our own finite experience.  For this reason, I think it’s rare for people to meet God outside of extreme circumstance for the first time.  Extreme circumstance bends our brain and busts out the walls of our boxes we have neatly put our lives in.

It is as if we spend our lives on a stage painted to simulate the real world.  We know our marks, we know our props, we know our lines but then an earth quake happens and the marks are under the rubble, the props have been smashed and the rigging holding up the painted world has come undone.

When the quaking stops and the dust settles, we see the chaos and rubble around us.  Our lines don’t seem to matter now.  Hitting our mark is not so important.  At some point we have to look up and see the beauty of the real thing, the potential life of freedom and the God who loves us and wants to heal us.  

I want to be one that chooses to walk in the real woods and breath the fresh air.  I want to be one who recognizes the divinity that is Jesus, not just a prophet and allow him to work wonders in my life.  I want to have the courage to let him be outside my boxes and compartments because I believe that his compassion for me and great love for me will change me forever.  Even more than that, I want him to draw me outside the boxes and compartments that I have made my life so that I may truely experience Christ’s freedom.

Verse 13 and on…

I can just see Jesus’ heart breaking for this woman.  She would be alone now, with no rights, no money, no property of her own.  She would be at the mercy of the men in her family.  Jesus fully understood.  He couldn’t stand the pain in her and he had the power to alleviate it.  With no hesitation he did.  Even though the people carrying the coffin were ready to bury the dead young man, Jesus made their death march obsolete.  He restored a dead man.  He took a woman with no hope for a decent future and gave her future back plus fulfilled her divine appointment. 

It was like Jesus, fully man and fully God, pulled his fleshly tent off for a moment and the people around him got to see God in all his glory but they couldn’t wrap their minds around the treasure his fleshly tent held.  They saw God and interpreted what they saw as simply a prophet.  Tragically they even spread the word that he was but a prophet.

Lord~ You are speaking loudly to me tonight.  How many times this year have I interpreted your glorious and compassionate hand as merely coinsidence.  My faith is so small. Help me to have more.  Help me to see it when you pull back the tent to let me see the glorious treasure within. 

Okay, get your Bible out again because, again, I am not writing this passage out, you need to read it for yourself.  Keep in mind that what I am writing is not exhaustive, it is simply my observation for today and what I got out of the word for this day.  I will continue to ruminate on it throughout the day.  It could be entirely different tomorrow.  Today’s reading provided two different insights.

Luke 7:1-10

First of all, going back to the time period before this passage this is what I observed and how I am applying it:

When Jesus finished talking to his disciples about the many pieces of wisdom, he entered Capernum.  Capernum, according to the map in the back of my Bible is a town.  It appears that Jesus was using travel time to instill wisdom in his disciples.  I should be working on discipleship of my kids during the inbetween times.  The car time could be key in their discipleship training.  I should also be allowing others within ear shot to hear this training just like Jesus did with all the people who gathered around him as he taught his disciples.

2nd:

 v.2-10 ~ The Centruion didn’t value his personhood, status or accomplishments as highly as those around him.  He knew his position but potentially that didn’t matter as much to him as this precious servant.  It is apparent that his servant was valuable to him beyond just what a servant does but their quite possibly was a relationship there.  Did the Centurion feel that Jewish Elders would have more sway with Jesus?  They gave Jesus the Centurion’s resume verbally.  He (Jesus) chose to go with them to see about this guy and his servant.  I think Jesus went to see about this issue not because of the elders entirely, but because he knew, as only God can, that this man understood that Jesus had the power.  He also understood, only as one who knew leaership and rank that when a commander gives an order, even the lowliest of servants hear and obey.  The order can come across the country and the commander may never see or meet the one the orders were given to but, the orders will still be carried out.  Jesus was amazed at this mans faith, not many get it at this level.  The Centurion understood that the commander need not be present for the order to be executed.

Jesus needs not be physically present for his commands to be followed through and executed.  His power and compassion are great.  He can speak and one on the otherside of the earth will be healed.  The difference between him and a mortal is that he does not need flesh, wires, computers, satalites or any other man made contraption to have his plan executed.  He does not need permission from his superiors.  He speaks and because he is God it happens.

I find myself moved deeply and humbled thoroughly that the Great Commander in Chief wants to know me, disciple me, pour tenderness over me, one in several billion in this huge world.  He desires my healing.  He desires your healing to.  His great love for me astounds me.  I am unique in creation yet, not unique in that we are all his lovely creation and the relationship he desires for me is one he desires for you too.

To Wash     To Bath     To Be Cleaned

When I think of a bath for one who may never have had one, one who has been through inflicted and self inflicted trauma, I cringe.  The pain of cleansing those open wounds, of soaping and wiping and scrubbing out those wounds, of being rid of the muck and grime, oh, the blessed relief of having been freed of  it all.  The wounds are no longer festering but healing.  They hurt still but not from rotting, poisonous flesh.  They hurt in a way that means healing and wholeness.

Oh! Lord! Please, wash me.  Wash my feet and give me the grace to allow those very painful wounds to heal.  Remind me that you have already given me a bath and now I must come to you to have my feet cleaned.

Luke 1:45~ Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord said to her will be accomplished.

I wonder if Mary new the gravity of being called “Highly Favorored” by the angel Gabriel.  I wonder if her understanding of who God is and his character was such that the mantle of one who is highly favored by God was one of great weight and seriousness.  I wonder if that was one of the first points in her young life that all else fell away at that very instant.  She must have been afraid but I don’t think her fear was only at seeing the angel but also at his first words to her…”you who are highly favored!  The Lord is with you.” 

Mary’s heart was innocent in nature, unscathed by the harsh realities of life.  She believed.  Even in her fear and suprise, she believed.

Zechariah, having been through the ravages and disappointments of life asked his questions with doubt and sinicism.  He missed part of the blessing of the miracle of his own child.

The following is not part of my journal today:

I struggle with unbelief.  Not unbelief in God or my salvation but an inability, unwillingness, whatever, to believe what God promises me.  He gently nudges me toward the possibility that He, the great I AM, speaks the truth….always.  Isn’t there such comfort in that?  Isn’t it a difficult thing that we humanize God and forget his very nature…we measure our willingness to believe his love for us by our own human experiences.

Oh Lord, that I would believe your every breath, taking no measure of it by that of my human experience.  Only, by the very knowlege you put in my heart that you never lie to me.  I am your preciouse child, one you would die for, one you have died for.  Let me fully understand your passion for this broken child.

I had a great quiet time this morning.  I am trying to learn to be still before the Lord and allow him to speak to me.

This morning, he spoke to me about my husband. You see, I have a very long memory and I don’t usually remember the good stuff.  For most of my life I have felt like one who is damaged and of no value.  Having said that, I struggle with believing those who would tell me and show me I am of value in their lives.

In my quiet time this morning, I was reading a passage in Isaiah in which God is talking about the value of Zion.  He talks about her beauty and her desirability.  As I pondered, I began to reflect on T and his actions toward me.  I was tempted to go back and look at the ugly stuff early in our marriage because he expressed some concerns about some sin in my life a couple of days ago and I didn’t like to hear it.  However, I was redirected to hear the following.  This is an excerpt out of my journal this morning.

I have used T to show you how valuable you are to me and you have rejected my love through him at nearly every turn.  You have tested us & tried us.  Don’t do it any longer.

To be honest, I never thought about the fact that when I reject T and his efforts to show me that I am valued, I am rejecting the God who created him and His efforts to show me that I am valuable to Him as well.  T is a godly man, who thirsts for fellowship with his maker as much or more than I do.  How can I flipantly brush off his efforts  to be the very best husband he can be just because I cannot forgive those things in my past which left me feeling unworthy of love.

I am beginning to see a glimpse of why God has pulled me out of so much activity in my life just to spend time in him.  I recognize — very humbly– that he has a plan to use my life as he sees fit and it is my responsiblity to sit with Him and look at those things which I feel are unmentionables  so that he can move me forward and use me more.

I share this with you only to show that I am on a journey and I hope that you may get a tid bit or two for yourself.

Thanks for reading.  Comments are always welcome.

Today was bible study at church.  I am in a study that is stretching me a lot.  It is about learning how to be in the presence of God.  For me it is about sitting still and learning to hear his voice.  Today, our leader had us go on a contemplative prayer walk. We each spent 30 minutes alone just walking and looking around us.  Of course I gravitated toward the bridge with a little canal running under it.  Nancy told us to go without an agenda and of course I had an agenda.  “Speak to me through this babbling brook Lord”.  He didn’t. Following are some tid-bits from my journal during that half hour.

Sitting here on the bridge above a beautiful little canal, I listen to the trickle of the water.  In the background I am completely distracted by the sound of the trucks and cars rushing this way and that.  This area could be be so beautiful if only we hadn’t laid a busy road down.

I am so busy doing and going, creating and improving my life.  I am constantly in a state of self improvement because, surely God would love me better and use me more if I could improve those things which I deem inadequate or flawed.

God is saying to me: 

Quit trying to perfect what you perceive to be imperfection and let me bless the beauty that I naturally created in you. 

I want time with you.  I want you to hold that time that I gave you alone to be sacred and spend it with me.  Settle down and hear my voice.  I will bless you for it and you will hear me and know me.  Guard that time.

I will always be more powerful than the facade you create.  Like water wears down giant stones and moss grows on concrete, I will always be greater and more powerful.  Experience my joy, be in my pleasure.

My prayer:  Lord, I want to dance with you.  I want to enjoy you and take pleasure in you.  I am tired of performing.  I can’t fool you.  Thank you that you see through it all.  Amen.